Family is the one of the most valuable gifts of your life. It is about hope, understanding, faith, morals, values, advice, comfort, encouragement, and more. Your family should always be there for you throughout your life, in both good and bad times.
The relationship you have with your family should be so strong that no one can break. But, sometimes it is OK to distance yourself from or cut ties with some toxic family members.
7 Signs It Is Time to Cut a Toxic Family Member Out of Your Life:
– They are negative, bring you down and reject your attempts to help them
If a family member is negative, brings you down and rejects your attempts to help them, it is a sign that you are dealing with a toxic person. It is important to understand that part of healthy family relationships is feeling comfortable enough to be honest and vent when life is not going great.
However, if you spend too much time around somebody who only focuses on the negative, it may eventually take a toll on you — particularly if they try to make you feel bad about yourself.
Also, if you do your best to offer support and more positive ways of looking at a situation, they just make you feel bad about yourself; it means that they are putting you in an impossible situation. Of course, they do deserve the occasional vent session, but if they are negative all the time and they do not want your advice or help, stop trying to help them, and re-evaluate your relationship.
– They are always judgemental
There is a big difference between constantly being judgmental and exhibiting tough love. A caring family member is not afraid to give you some tough love — and you do need it occasionally.
For instance, if they are really concerned that you are dating somebody who treats you with disrespect or you are drinking too much, they are looking out for you as they want you to be healthy and happy — and sometimes it requires telling you something that you do not want to hear.
However, if they are always judgmental and say things like “Your salary is so low compared to mine,” or “I cannot believe you are wearing it,” consider re-evaluating your relationship. If whenever you spend time with them, you feel emotionally worn-out and drained, you may want to distance yourself from them. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and that you should not allow anyone to disrespect you.
– They never admit that something is their fault or that they have made a mistake
It may be frustrating and draining to be around people that almost never admit that something is their fault or that they have made a mistake.
Although you should not diminish somebody’s experience of being an actual victim (of assault, abuse, or anything else), be wary of family members that think that everything that goes wrong in their lives is your fault.
They believe that the universe is out to get them and they always play the victim. And they never take responsibility for their mistakes.
– They make a big deal out of everything and seem to constantly be going through some sort of struggle
If they always run from one emergency to another and carry out almost all everyday tasks with a sense of drama, it is a sign that they are toxic. Situations at home or work mushroom out of control, and they are constantly letting you know just how bad it is.
They make a big deal out of everything and seem to constantly be going through some sort of struggle, because they love drama. They may try to drag you into their dramatic state, as a way of making their own lives more exciting or gaining attention. But, you should not let them do so.
– They are inconsistent in the way they treat you
They are inconsistent in the way they treat you. One moment, they are caring and understanding; and the next they insult you and call you names. They just want to gain attention and manipulate you into doing what they want. And that’s why they are willing to do their best to control you.
They flip-flop between negative and positive reinforcement. They insult you, yell and lash out at you. But, then they coax you back into their trap and offer you support and pseudo-praise. If so, you need to re-evaluate your relationship.
– They are selfish
They are selfish. When they are down or they need help, they are willing to talk to you. They are always available to ask for help. In most cases, they seek emotional comfort and support.
However, once they get what they want, they distance themselves from you. And they are always busy when you feel sad or you need help. They just ignore the state you are in and continue to ask for help when it suits them.
– They do not respect your boundaries
If you are constantly telling them to stop behaving a certain way and they just ignore you, they are probably toxic. Respecting your boundaries does not come naturally to them. And they thrive on violating your boundaries. But, without healthy boundaries, you may not be able to protect yourself emotionally from their grasp.
If a toxic family member is getting the best of you, it is time to make a change. In some cases, it means distancing yourself from them. In more serious cases, it means cutting them out of your life.